Shelley, We Hardly Knew Ye

2008 Republican National Convention: Day 2I know why she did it.

I know why Michele Bachmann won’t run for re-election in 2014. It isn’t the uphill battle she reportedly faced against Democratic candidate Jim Graves, who damned near beat the (on-fire) pants off her last time despite her overwhelming advantage in fundraising from wingnuts throughout this great land.  It isn’t the investigations of said financing from her presidential campaign—by the House Ethics Committee, by the FBI, by Lord knows who else, I’ve lost count—for which pre-emptive popcorn production has surely reached dazzling new highs. No, I know the real reason Miss Thing—excuse me, Representative Bachmann—will not be running for a fifth term of connoisseur-level crazy in the House of Representatives.

It’s the bodice-ripper.

Really. Just look at the timing. This story came out across the Intertubes over the past few days, from sources as varied as Politico, National Review, Talking Points Memo (where yours truly stumbled upon it: and Art In America Online (a story about the cover art for this Bachmann-inspired romance novel). Even the Daily Mail across the pond got into the act. With excerpts (!

Clearly, this PR barrage highlighting Fires of Siberia (slated for e-book release June 1) played a decisive role in Michele’s decision not to run for office again. We know it wasn’t any of that other stuff, because she told us so. In an eight-minute-plus Youtube video, wearing a tailored navy silk blouse and a double string of pearls. These are Serious Ladylike Conservative clothes, people. Not the kind of outfit worn by someone who would ever choose “a wild, primitive ecstasy” over “civilization” (just in case anyone was wondering). The outfit says it all. She doesn’t mention the bodice-ripper, but our Michele is clearly making a point of living something down. One wonders if she somehow got hold of an advance copy, and is a wee mite worried about being mistaken for the fictional character she inspired. Not that Michele Bachmann has anything to worry about. From the moment she first hit the national spotlight, she’s been much stranger than fiction (

So fellow writers and political junkies, take heart. The pen—or at least the e-book—is still mightier than the sword.

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